Losing your hair is never easy. No matter how much you prepare yourself for the idea of it, it still sucks. Your hair is part of your identity. It is one of the features that help to set you apart from everyone else. It can describe your personality. For example when I had white hair everyone just assumed I dyed it. Yea, once again people, that was from my chemo. I did not choose to dye it that color or to follow the fashion trend.
About two weeks, after my first round of this new treatment, I noticed my hair was starting to fall out. It followed the same old routine with my head first itching like crazy. Then after I showered I would notice little strands here and there. It eventually gets to a point where you’re able to pull out chunks easily. I let it go to the point where I couldn’t stand it anymore. I was able to pull out chunks like the thin man in Charlie’s Angels. Except I didn’t creepily sniff my own hair.
I called the place where I get my hair cut and set up an appointment to get my head shaved. My hair was driving me crazy and I couldn’t stand it anymore. Plus, I was paranoid that my hair would be left somewhere in a crime scene and then they would trace it back to me somehow. That’s what I get for watching Law and Order SVU with my uncle. When I got to the salon my hairdresser asked if I wanted to wash it first and I said, “sure”. After she was finished washing my hair she showed me how much hair had fallen out. Remember that scene in Enchanted when she’s cleaning the apartment and singing and the “happy working song”? Well my hair clump reminded me of when the rat pulls the hairball out of their shower drain.
When I finally looked at myself in the mirror I looked like I had a massive comb over on my bald spot. We both started laughing. She shaved the rest of it off and then rinsed my scalp. I immediately threw a hat on and drove out to the barn to ride. I was worried that my helmet wouldn’t fit since I didn’t have any hair. To my surprise my helmet now fits like a glove. After my ride I took my helmet off and gave Joe a treat. When I bent over to grab the wrapper he started to lick my head. Apparently my head looked like a big treat to him. Thank God he didn’t try to bite me or he would’ve been in big trouble.
My favorite reaction to my bald hair has to go to my friends, who are both under the age of 7. When I took my hat off to show them my friend said, “Where did your hair go? Is it in your hat?” Then she promptly told me to put my hat back on. Her sister asked why my hair fell out. When I explained it was from a medicine that she would never have to take, she responded with, “Oh then it must be a medicine for horseback riders.” Their reactions were priceless.
I’m still getting use to the no hair thing. One of my major pet peeves is when people think it’s ok to touch my head without asking. I don’t appreciate it and if you just ask, most of the time, I will say, “yes”. I have my signature hats ready to roll and have been wearing them. At least it’s getting colder out so I won’t feel weird wearing a beanie hat all the time. You know I am truly comfortable in a space if I take my hat off. I generally keep it on when I go places because as soon as people see my hair they know I have cancer and then give me the "I feel bad for you" look. I have worked really hard to try and live a normal life and be a cancer patient in disguise. Losing my hair makes me feel like I have a big arrow on my head saying, “she has cancer”. Good thing I have a nice shaped head or at least that’s what everyone keeps telling me. Plus, my bald Bitmoji is pretty hilarious.